It has been almost two years when I first started learning. For some time I stuck with it, but for almost a year or so I didn’t do any breaking at all. It actually reminds me of when I first got into parkour. It was the same situation where I wanted to learn something, but my confidence got in the way, and I hesitated to dive deeper into it. Even though it was something I thought about all the time in those 2 years, I thought it was intimidating and that I couldn’t do it. I shut that voice in my head and decided to really try.
It took me almost 2 years to commit to learning parkour, and the same thing has happened again with breaking. In both cases, I found a group of friendly people that supported me and pushed me to learn more, and taught me plenty– and still continue to teach me. I am blessed for those that have been helping me learn!
This month I’ve been reviewing what I learned before, and more. My top rock always felt awkward and weird before, but I am starting to feel much better with it. I used to have a lot of anxiety of looking at myself in the mirror when I danced, but haven’t had any trouble at all this month, and it actually really helps to watch myself in the mirror.
I sometimes feel like I don’t know what I’m doing, but with more practice, I am finally starting to find my rhythm, and “flow” I guess you can say. I’m trying to take what I know, mix it all together and find my own style. And it feels good!
I used to dance and mess around when I was younger, but as I grew older, I got so disconnected from myself. I’ve always struggled to express myself vocally (and still do) and physically, but breaking more has helped me to move in a way I want. Express myself in a way that tells the world that I am who I am. It’s helped me so much to find my confidence again. At dance practice, the space is kinda small, and some days out of the week there’s a lot of people that go, so we all share the space and take turns on the floor. At first, I was super nervous and didn’t do much the first few times. It took me a lot of courage to get in front of everyone and work on my thing. Eventually, it got a little better but I still do get nervous at times. My anxiety was sometimes noticeable enough for others to see, and they would give me some encouragement. I’ve met quite a few breakers to know that they are friendly. They all have given me tips and shown me things here and there. Even when I find myself too shy to get in and dance, watching others has really helped. When I get over the initial anxiety and get in the circle, It’s helped me a lot to learn to be more confident and not worry about what others think.
I’m taking it all as a learning experience, trying to have fun and find myself. There have been a few times where I forget there are others around me. I forget about everything. In that moment when I’m on the floor, I just move and have fun. It’s these moments that I really love and want to experience more often.
So outside of practice, I’ve been working on things on my own at home more often. A few times throughout the week I dance and drills some moves. I’ve been meaning to condition more too, but have been slacking on that. I’m working on making it a daily thing, but so far have only got to a few days a week.
Even though I am not as good as I would like to be, and still have a lot to learn, I’m loving those moments where I get to express myself. I’m starting to notice the many different ways it’s helping me. Through breaking, I am starting to grow more. I made a lot of progress this month and I can’t wait to see how far I get by the end of next month!